Total time taken: Approximately 20 hours. Completed over a week.
Medium: (Cheap) acrylic on a 200cm x 125cm second hand canvas that I didn't have enough white paint to paint over initially, and so had to incorporate the blocky original. Some black texta for finer detail.
Medium: (Cheap) acrylic on a 200cm x 125cm second hand canvas that I didn't have enough white paint to paint over initially, and so had to incorporate the blocky original. Some black texta for finer detail.
I decided to name the triptych based on the three-tiered alchemical process, by which one form is elevated to another: 1 – Transformation; 2 – Transmutation; 3 – Transfiguration.
Though the three terms sound similar, they are different. Transformation indicates the changing of the physical form. It has to do with the lower material forms and the lower natures. Transmutation has to do with an inner change – a change of the substances within, the properties that a being is made of. Transfiguration is the energetic changing of form associated with changing material formation.
Transformation
Time taken: 4 hours
here, in my regular blog.
What I wanted to convey in the painting was the trial by fire I felt I went through during that time. Before I fell pregnant, my identity was completely wrapped up with my career and the surface level personality traits I had developed as a by-product of that identity. I feared what becoming a mother would mean for me - that I would lose my career or find it very hard to recover, and that by giving up work for a time I'd no longer be strong, independent and a bunch of other things I saw myself as.
I needed to shed the shell of ego clinging I'd formed over the duration of my adult life. All my accomplishments, whilst lovely, had also served to add mortar to the bricks of identity formation and not always in a healthy way. Not to say I have completely overcome identity with my ego now, far from it! But I have at least started to scratch the surface, seek help from a psychologist to work through my shit before my baby is born, and become open to the possibility that I haven't actually got it all figured out, after all. Whilst painful, this process has been incredibly freeing and has lead me to the stage I'm at now: resting, being nourished and restored for possibly the first time in years.
Transformation indicates the changing of the physical form. It has to do with the lower material forms and the lower natures. What I've changed is my lower nature of attachment to an identity as someone who never needs help, who is forever strong and tough. Fire is the element that transforms, and the one element I have very little of in my astrological chart! So perhaps a burning of my outer hardened shell was exactly what I needed.
Betweens weeks 20 and 27 of my pregnancy I underwent my fair share of psychological challenges. In short, I went from feeling fine one week, to feeling highly stressed, emotional, tearful, and borderline depressed. I explain all the gnarly details and how I dealt with it What I wanted to convey in the painting was the trial by fire I felt I went through during that time. Before I fell pregnant, my identity was completely wrapped up with my career and the surface level personality traits I had developed as a by-product of that identity. I feared what becoming a mother would mean for me - that I would lose my career or find it very hard to recover, and that by giving up work for a time I'd no longer be strong, independent and a bunch of other things I saw myself as.
I needed to shed the shell of ego clinging I'd formed over the duration of my adult life. All my accomplishments, whilst lovely, had also served to add mortar to the bricks of identity formation and not always in a healthy way. Not to say I have completely overcome identity with my ego now, far from it! But I have at least started to scratch the surface, seek help from a psychologist to work through my shit before my baby is born, and become open to the possibility that I haven't actually got it all figured out, after all. Whilst painful, this process has been incredibly freeing and has lead me to the stage I'm at now: resting, being nourished and restored for possibly the first time in years.
Transformation indicates the changing of the physical form. It has to do with the lower material forms and the lower natures. What I've changed is my lower nature of attachment to an identity as someone who never needs help, who is forever strong and tough. Fire is the element that transforms, and the one element I have very little of in my astrological chart! So perhaps a burning of my outer hardened shell was exactly what I needed.
Transmutation
Time taken: 8 hours
I painted the sky first. I love painting skies! The paintbrush blotching "technique" that I use is so meditative because you don't really need to concentrate on detail. Because the first picture was a night time scene, and I knew I wanted the final painting to be a sunny daytime, it seemed logical to make the middle painting a dawn setting. Plus, at the time of painting I was in this stage and it felt like my dark night of the soul was ending, and I was finally seeing the light. The sky colours I chose and charred landscape also reflect what you might see the morning after a big bushfire. And it was one hell of a fire!
Recently my partner and I moved to a small, basic but cosy shack on the edge of a forest reserve, from a noisy sardine tin-esque unit in the guts of the city. It was just what I had imagined and manifested, complete with nearby forest trails for hiking.
I hated living in the city. Even though we were near the beach, my soul instinctively craves the bush, the forest, and is most readily restored around trees, earth, dirt. I've been bushwalking and gardening a lot more than I could in the city.
I've also recently taken up "forest bathing" again. Shinrin-yoku is the name given to the Japanese art of forest bathing, contemplative walks through the woods that reconnect one with nature and can lead to decreased stress, natural mood elevation and even a stronger immune system. The urge to sit down in the middle of my bush walks and just breathe finally got to me.
I also shifted from working for myself (which as any self-employed person knows, is more than a full-time job) to not working at all, with the exception of a one-off cooking class I'm teaching next week. Although I loved working for myself as a health practitioner and yoga teacher, I noticed I was experiencing tiredness, lack of concentration, and compassion fatigue. I was hesitant about stopping work at only 6 months pregnant (gosh, some mums don't work at all throughout their entire pregnancy!) but so far I'm loving all the things I now have time to do, including art!
Finally, I told my Dad to move out after he'd been staying with us in our city unit, indefinitely, for seven weeks, something that contributed to my stress and feelings of not having space to myself.
Transmutation has to do with an inner change – a change of the substances within, the properties that a being is made of. Whilst I'm being nurtured by the earth I've noticed a profound inner shift. Friends have commented that I'm becoming more maternal. I feel daily surges of compassion growing stronger. I've relaxed a shitload. My connection to the wild woman archetype is growing stronger. I've fallen in love with my partner a bit more and in return he has become more loving, understanding and affectionate. All changes that will help me to be a more caring, nurturing mother and partner.
Recently my partner and I moved to a small, basic but cosy shack on the edge of a forest reserve, from a noisy sardine tin-esque unit in the guts of the city. It was just what I had imagined and manifested, complete with nearby forest trails for hiking.
I hated living in the city. Even though we were near the beach, my soul instinctively craves the bush, the forest, and is most readily restored around trees, earth, dirt. I've been bushwalking and gardening a lot more than I could in the city.
I've also recently taken up "forest bathing" again. Shinrin-yoku is the name given to the Japanese art of forest bathing, contemplative walks through the woods that reconnect one with nature and can lead to decreased stress, natural mood elevation and even a stronger immune system. The urge to sit down in the middle of my bush walks and just breathe finally got to me.
I also shifted from working for myself (which as any self-employed person knows, is more than a full-time job) to not working at all, with the exception of a one-off cooking class I'm teaching next week. Although I loved working for myself as a health practitioner and yoga teacher, I noticed I was experiencing tiredness, lack of concentration, and compassion fatigue. I was hesitant about stopping work at only 6 months pregnant (gosh, some mums don't work at all throughout their entire pregnancy!) but so far I'm loving all the things I now have time to do, including art!
Finally, I told my Dad to move out after he'd been staying with us in our city unit, indefinitely, for seven weeks, something that contributed to my stress and feelings of not having space to myself.
Transmutation has to do with an inner change – a change of the substances within, the properties that a being is made of. Whilst I'm being nurtured by the earth I've noticed a profound inner shift. Friends have commented that I'm becoming more maternal. I feel daily surges of compassion growing stronger. I've relaxed a shitload. My connection to the wild woman archetype is growing stronger. I've fallen in love with my partner a bit more and in return he has become more loving, understanding and affectionate. All changes that will help me to be a more caring, nurturing mother and partner.
Transfiguration
Time taken: Approximately 8 hours, but not entirely sure.
This final painting is my favourite of the three - probably because it's the least morbid and the brightest! Adding the leaves right at the end was fun. And of course there was the excitement of completing a huge triptych, my first ever!
Transfiguration is the energetic changing of form associated with changing material formation. The final outcome of all the outer and inner changes cumulatively. To be honest, I'm still in the second phase of recovery and transmutation. This piece is an expression of where I wish this alchemical process to go from here.
I think this whole process has and will make me strong, vibrant, confident, fully alive, and fully capable of caring for a dependent human. These are the emotions I wanted to convey in the final painting. With my feet firmly rooted into the earth yet able to enjoy the air, sunlight and rain, and the storms too. Equanimous. I'm lovingly holding my child who is now outside of me physically but will always be a part of me for what he has taught me so far, and what he will teach me.
I know motherhood won't be a walk in the park but if I have this image to refer to I feel that it will remind me of my journey, and of my intention to be vulnerable, honest, strong but soft. To stay as conscious as I can of my inner AND outer worlds, responsive and adaptable to my child and new life, is my greatest wish.
Transfiguration is the energetic changing of form associated with changing material formation. The final outcome of all the outer and inner changes cumulatively. To be honest, I'm still in the second phase of recovery and transmutation. This piece is an expression of where I wish this alchemical process to go from here.
I think this whole process has and will make me strong, vibrant, confident, fully alive, and fully capable of caring for a dependent human. These are the emotions I wanted to convey in the final painting. With my feet firmly rooted into the earth yet able to enjoy the air, sunlight and rain, and the storms too. Equanimous. I'm lovingly holding my child who is now outside of me physically but will always be a part of me for what he has taught me so far, and what he will teach me.
I know motherhood won't be a walk in the park but if I have this image to refer to I feel that it will remind me of my journey, and of my intention to be vulnerable, honest, strong but soft. To stay as conscious as I can of my inner AND outer worlds, responsive and adaptable to my child and new life, is my greatest wish.
This has been my biggest and favourite work to date. Normally I paint on far smaller canvases but I think I'll stick to large canvases for a while. The freedom of movement around the canvas this gives me is awesome! I got to stand, squat, sit, hover whilst I painted. And because all the details are bigger, they take far less time that I imagined to paint. The detail of the pieces increased as I moved from the first to the last, for some reason. I'm a little sad this is now completed. As much as possible I painted without rushing, without attachment to the outcome or wanting it to be something magnificent. I enjoyed the process as much as possible.